The One About Missouri

Friday evening Dad and I arrived at "Wild Bill's Truck stop" in Branson, Missouri and quickly fell victim to advertising schemes. The advertisement which successfully swayed us completely away from our leftover black bean soup was a billboard for unlimited lobster and Crab legs....how could 2 seafood-loving-humans say no? Well, we couldn't. We said a definite yes, and proceeded to maneuver an 18-wheeler through the tight streets of tourist Branson all for the crab legs. The reward was well worth it, let me tell you!

 I found the Branson area absolutely stunning, but capturing it's rugged beauty from a moving truck proved difficult, here's a few shots:

Turned out that our load we were pulling didn't have to be delivered until Monday morning, which meant the weekend was ours to do whatever we wanted with! Our decision? To spend Saturday at Silver Dollar City! No sooner was the idea proposed then I had the app downloaded and our tickets purchased. ;) 

Silver Dollar City has always intrigued me. My family doesn't shut up about the delightfully fun trip they took there when I was three years old and in a stroller. From what  they've said though, it seems that for my three year old self, the highlight of that trip was a few bites of kettle corn...whereas they, apparently, rode tons of rides, and watched shows and demonstrations of things like glass-blowing! I have always wanted to redeem that pathetic sounding day for myself, and July 18, 2015 the opportunity literally fell in my lap...so I snatched it!

But wait...

Before you start thinking this was too easy for me, please recall that currently my only source of transportation is an 18-Wheeler with a Conestoga trailer, this was, of course, my always-prepared-father's first thought. I immediately called Silver Dollar City to ask how we could get around this issue. The employee I spoke with was somewhat vague but assured me that the parking attendant would know what to do with us when we got there, and that we would be admitted into the park in the vehicle. 

Saturday morning we headed off to battle Branson traffic with eager anticipation of Silver Dollar City. However, once we arrived, things took a bad turn. The so called "Parking Attendant" looked at us like we were crazy when we pulled up in our huge truck and trailer. Dad asked him where we should go and he stumbled around his words and halfway gave us directions to a lot but basically just kept saying, "The curves on the road there are REALLLLLY sharp, like REALLLLY sharp." In so many words, he assured us that it would be ill-advised for us to park on the premises. Dad and I  thanked him and started to drive off-neither of us said much-I just left him to think while I silently soaked in the miserable possibility of crushed hopes. Dad simply steered us back onto the highway and started driving. Soon we were completely off of Silver Dollar City's turf and still hadn't seen any lot with a space big enough for us. While I was mulling our possibilities-all zero that I could think of at the moment- Dad was pulling the truck off the highway and into the spacious parking lot of a place called "Sam's Trailers". As soon as he parked, Dad explained to me that we were going to go in there and ask them if we could park the truck on their property. I  can't deny that I looked at him a little cynically, but proceeded to march right into the place beside him. Dad introduced us, shook the man's hand, explained our plight, and simply asked if we could park our 18-wheeler in their parking lot all day long. You know what they said? Without asking for any payment (Which we offered), they gave us a resounding YES. Your faith in humans restored yet? Mine was. This story is a perfect example of a few of the things I admire in my Dad- he always calmly finds a way to do what needs to be done, and he's not ashamed to ask a fellow human for a helping hand. It seems to me that people often forget the value of face-to-face interaction. My Dad is one of the few who have not forgotten. Hearing a person's voice, talking fairly and kindly to them, and shaking their hand has power, people. 

I could make this post twice as long as it currently is with all the joys which the day at Silver Dollar City held, but we'll just stick with: roller coasters, glass blowing, pottery, water rides, coke floats, show choirs, amphitheaters, my Daddy, pretzels, dippin' dots, fireworks, sunburn, lightning bugs, and lots and lots of smiling.  

I think you catch my drift. 

Also, Sam of "Sam's trailers" is my fav person ever. 

~Ab

Knocking Out the States.

Let me start off by just saying that trucker time is weird. The individual days seem to fly by, but then you look at the calendar and realize, what felt like a week was really just two days. It's a strange, ironic type of feeling. You know what else is weird about trucking? The fact that I can just hop out of the truck after a day of riding and be in a completely new State with a totally different climate then I was in the last time I dismounted-and it just keeps changing as the days and miles fly by.

The last few days flew by like a whirlwind. We came up from South TX and went on our way over to Louisiana. We were in Delhi, Louisiana all day Thursday and Friday we were cruising through the Ozarks in Arkansas, up towards Missouri. 

I snapped this on the way into Louisiana, right as the Thursday morning sun was rising.

 We began driving Thursday morning at 4:30am-needless to say, Dad and I both fueled up on caffeine. By the time we went to bed Thursday night we had been awake for 17 straight hours and I "offended" him by falling asleep right in the midst of one of his western movies... ;)

 As we got deeper into Louisiana I requested a specific detour-and after a little research into truck parking situations, Dad obligingly agreed-so here I stand looking just about as stereotypical southern as an American can.

*side story: There was another 18 wheeler who had actually been delivering goods to the warehouse. It was a lady driver and she was returning to her truck just as dad and I were leaving.  She struck up a conversation and informed us that they had let her go back and see the “Call room”. She even sent us the picture she had snapped of it!

After the slight detour we pretty quickly reached our destination: an Aluminum Manufacturer. One of the most intense places I’ve ever been. Basically just a huge building bustling with 18 wheelers,  fork-lifts, stacks of aluminum, and intense people with full body coverage in 95+ degree weather. The words "safety first" were stuck on everything...and I soon learned that they meant it! 

         While we were there I mostly stayed in the truck and read "20,000 leagues under the sea" (an old classic which I am currently fan-girling over...but that's a story for another time).  However, at one point I had to go to the restroom, I figured this would be a pretty simple task...that was my first mistake. My second one was that, although I remembered to wear my long pants, long-sleeve shirt, close toed shoes and hard hat, I forgot my safety glasses. No sooner had I stepped into the intimidating building when I had another fully protected person wildly gesture to her eyes indicating that I needed some safety glasses like hers. I immediately turned around to get mine, and just in the short distance back to the door had another person wildly gesture to me and then her glasses. I hurried to the truck, added safety glasses to my menagerie of clothing, and began the trek back into the huge building. This time I was greeted at the entrance by a safety-glasses-hard hat-and-dress-shirt-wearing man who politely informed me "Ma'am, I am going to escort you to the women's restroom because you are not wearing steel-toed boots and we don't want a forklift to hit you" In my mind I'm like "Who is this guy and how did he know I even needed to go to the bathroom?" but to him I just said, "Uh, thanks" True to his word, he strutted rather stoically right beside me all the way to the door of the women's restroom. Then, just as I suspected, was right there waiting for me when I stepped out. Turned out it was the manager of the whole plant who had escorted/body guarded me all the way to the women's restroom and back!

A few pictures from at the plant...I don't look like I need a body guard, do I? 

Actually, don't answer that.

Sidenote: I forgave the plant for being so up-tight about safety as soon as I discovered that they had Popsicles for us after we worked hard hooking up and covering our trailer! 

while in Louisiana, I also got to enjoy two more of Dad's favorite restaurant haunts-a low budget cafe called "Boomers" for lunch, then a Mexican place called "La Fonda's" for dinner! Not to mention the "true Trucker experience" I got by staying the night in the parking lot of a sketchy, Louisiana truck stop.

 After all of our Louisiana adventures, Dad and I headed on up to Missouri with a Mark Twain CD entertaining us all the way through Arkansas. 

I will say though, as one who drove all the way across it, AR definitely has it's moments of beauty.

BUT, also it's moments of delightfully-dorky-red-neckness. They find no shame in flaunting cities with unique(?) names, such as: "Pickle's Gap" and "Toad Suck"...to name just a few of the ones I went through! 

On Friday we blew through AR, then straight into Missouri in no time flat. I say "we" but really all the credit for that goes to Dad...I just took shifts talking and reading. :) I did make myself a little bit useful though, by fixing us some black bean soup in Dad's little crock pot! 

Missouri and I have always hit it off before, and this time didn't prove any different...but those adventures are a story for my next post, so for now just know, my love for the state of Missouri has only grown. ;)

Here's to many more days of Truck Riding blog posts! 

~Ab

Day 1 of Truck Riding Adventures

  Currently I'm sitting on my cozy, little bed in Remington (That's the name I have affectionately given Dad's truck). Phillip Phillips is serenading me via Pandora, and Dad is below me preparing the truck to head out from Corpus to McAllen TX. It's been an exciting 24 hours! I've already learned tons of stuff, to name just a few:  How to fold a tarp, how the trucker's hour system works, the difference between Sorghum and corn, how to brush your teeth when no sink is available, the vital importance of deodorant, that I love catfish when it's fresh, and that my dad actually wasn't joking when he said to securely fasten ALL things in a moving truck to prevent being beheaded. Also, I've learned that my dad was a devious child (lots of story time in here:). 

Here goes kind of a run down of the first day on the road.

We left my little town around 10am, loaded down with me, my duffel, toiletries crate, extra bag, and bedding.  To my credit regarding my packing though, dad told me that I "Didn't do too bad for a girl" :) 

A while back he gave me a pink hardhat in preparation for this day, so I proudly wore it as we left the house.

A few hours and one CD later we stopped to get lunch -for the truck and ourselves- at a flying J truck stop. Wings and Pizza were our menu item of choice (Yes, we are two {unhealthy} peas in a pod).

We ate it with our fingers as we continued rolling down the road. While we were there I decided I am a big fan of the good ol' boy vibe I get in the truck stops.

About four more hours and one comedian routine recording later we arrived at our dinner destination. Dad's so cool because there's all these little hole-in-the-wall restaurants all over the US that he eats at whenever he passes through that particular spot. This particular one he introduced me to was so awesome and beach bum-ish!

                                                       

                                                     Pincher's Boil'n pot was the name...

 

...and Sea food was the game! Let me tell you, we both ate a LOT of food, but not even close to all of that ^ platter!

Corn seemed to be growing everywhere! All the Corn field sightings were what began the conversation concerning Sorghum vs. corn...

Two more hours on the road flew by full of fun conversations and times of just quietly and peacefully rolling down the roads. 

By the time we reached Corpus it was evening time. Another cool thing about my Dad? He knows people all over the place! Right next to the business we were supposed to be dropping our load at is a little restaurant called "Daniella's". One of the first times my dad brought a load to Corpus he introduced himself to Daniella and asked if whenever he came on this route it would be alright for him to park his truck in her parking lot. She said he could! He shows his gratitude by typically eating breakfast at her place the next morning.

 As badly as I wanted to go to the beach while we were there, and as badly as Dad wanted to please me, we just couldn't leave the trailer with supplies on it for that long...The best I could get was a faint smell of the ocean and a few sightings of seagulls from where we sat in the deserted parking lot of "Daniella's", on the outskirts of Corpus. 

At this point in my day is when I became quite resourceful and got myself ready for bed and teeth brushed all within the confines of the truck-which has no running water.

Soon we settled in with the company of an old western movie-Conagher. No sooner had the movie begun then the sound of dad's snores filled the cab and sporadically continued to -despite all my poking and pinching him in an effort to hear the movie. ;)

 It's a strange feeling to be in an empty parking lot, in the little curtained-shut truck, knowing that you're right on the edge of a road with cars passing you by, and that this is where you will sleep the whole night. I honestly felt pretty vulnerable, but the truck was locked shut and I was with my Dad so I knew I was safe. Once the movie ended I was so exhausted that I just climbed up into my little bunk and was out like a light! 

First day as a Truck Rider was a definite success.

-Ab

The End of an Age (aka: 18 year old friends are great too)

This past week I lost my 17th year of life, and my family dog. (it's okay if you laughed at this sentence, I actually chuckled when I wrote it, but really, it was a hard week.)

I turned 18 on April 24, which just feels so unrealistic. I am the baby of my family, and it's so strange to realize that even I am now a "legal" adult.

The day before my 18th Birthday one of my favorite people and best friends- Ashley, took me on an all day adventure to celebrate the close of my 17th year of living. The best thing about this girl? She and I have twin souls so when she plans something I know we'll both love it. We are the never-grow-up-in-love-with-peter-pan-let's-be-five-year-olds-together-for-life type of friends. We wouldn't have it any other way. So we drew with chalk, ate spaghettios and PB&J, put rolled notes in a bottle and threw it in the creek, painted flower pots and so much more. It was perfect :) Then on my birthday she sent me a text which read, "Breathe. It's just another day." instead of the typical "Happy Birthday because she knows my heart and she knew I wasn't rejoicing inside.


Despite the perfect day,I actually laid in my bed the night of April 23 watching as my clock ticked through the 11:40s, and dreading each shift of the numbers because it was something I couldn't reverse, couldn't change, couldn't stop. Thankfully, the dread wasn't too long lasting because of encouraging friends and my family who taught me that they don't change, even with my age. 18th year friends are just as good as 17th year friends.  One friend listened to me rant about the whole dread of Birthdays thing...and talked to me about pointless things (one of my favorite things to do) for 45 minutes on the evening of April 23. Then she proceeded to send me super long encouraging texts right as the clock struck midnight! She even made two embarrassing fb posts about me and made me feel ridiculously special and loved. Sarah Cline is her name, and she is a favorite of mine.

Another friend held me on the phone from 11:45 to 12:00 giving me wonderfully cheesy reminders such as, "It's the start of a new novel, Abigail!" just so she could be the first to tell me happy birthday. Another reason she's the perfect friend? On my Birthday she willingly competed against me in a mento-and-coke-in-your-mouth-together challenge and wasn't even a sore loser when I beat her twice. I love her. Her name is Rylee, she is also a favorite.

April 24, 2015 dawned bright and early...to all appearances a normal day, I woke up, went to school, etc. My friend Claire however, ensured that it was far from a normal day. This thoughtful friend sent me a picture and long text every hour which were from a memory of us together. She did this for 24 hours. As each hour of the day I had so dreaded struck I found myself excited and checking my phone to see what precious memory I would be reminded of this time. Also, evidence of how close we are is that she had to "narrow it down" and pick which memories she would us. She and I have only known each other for 2 years! That is who Claire is. The most loving, caring, girl. She is precious. Also? She caught my hints I had been dropping the day before and only wished me a happy "second 17th birthday." I don't think she ever uttered the word 18 my whole birthday!

After my morning class the sisters (big and middle) and my Grandma took me for a birthday brunch. I literally jumped out of my chair when the waiters and waitresses started whooping, and singing to me! But I felt incredibly cherished and loved by those three women who had summoned them.

Not to mention all the overly-kind texts, calls, and fb posts/messages, you people are rock stars.

Seeing Rend Collective, Tenth Avenue North, and Chris Tomlin, plus having pool parties at 1 in the morning, and pei wei for lunch with these crazies wasn't too shabby either.
Huge shoutout to ERin Laroe for coming along even though she was losing her voice, introducing me to hte wonders of Plato Closet and all around makng my Birthday way more sunshiney and happy because that's what she does.


I NEVER thought I would say this, but 18 is going down in the books as a memory-making-beautiful-sunshiney birthday after all.



But none of this ultimately changes the fact that I am, in fact, an adult now. That's definitely causing some weird emotions for me. Just as I was thinking I might be okay with it, my dog who has had cancer for a while now, hit an ultimate low. We got her when I was about 7. She has lived at three of my seven homes with me, and we have almost lost her multiple times: She barely survived parvo as a puppy, then one time she ran away-we gave her up for lost before finding her at the shelter 3 months later. Although she was outdoors and not pampered, I have taken care of her for many years during which she brought me many laughs and some heartache. The hardest thing is that she's just always been there. She's been right outside the back door ready to give me kisses and melt my heart with her one brown eye and her one blue eye. Basically, She's a link with my childhood. That same childhood that "legally" just ended. I guess what Rylee said about the 'start of a new novel' wasn't too far off after all.

 I always thought I loved change...I still think I do. Sometimes though, change is irreversible and that is when it scares me the most.

Don't assume from this post that the future is dull or depressing though, far from it! My next post (one I have been needing to write for a while now) will be addressing that future and you'll see that I'm actually pretty stoked about it. :)

This verse puts a little perspective on the emotions I've been letting out during this post. Paul reminds me why none of this is actually as big of a deal as my head likes to make it, while reminding me why it is good to keep pressing on. I'm not just pressing toward the little goals and landmarks I set for myself though; I'm pressing on through life because I have an ultimate goal-the prize of the call of Christ which is upon my life.

"forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Phillippians 3:13-14)

~Ab

Goal Setting Underway

I'm an improv-er. I'm always trying to make myself better: more well rounded, more productive, more interesting, etc. The truth that I constantly have to be reminded of is that ultimately I can't make myself anything. I have to trust the Lord that with all of my short fallings, He's making something better-something beautiful. But I do believe there are disciplines I can take on which will be for the greater good of my service to the Lord and in my life bringing Him glory.

With that said, last fall one of my friend/mentors gave me a Bible Study all about looking to God's word and prioritizing your life. I sort of filled in the blank but honestly didn't really use it at the time. The other day I stumbled across the study and I've decided to put those resolutions I wrote down into practice and add a few new ones.

 Here are my goals for March 12, 2015-August 15, 2015:

Spiritual Goals:

1. At least 30 minutes a day in prayer and God's word away from the world and distractions around me (in my Quiet time closet)

2. Every Friday my mom and I will be fasting from solid foods for 12-24 hours depending on the day. (I debated putting this on Spiritual or Physical because we're really doing it for both)

Intellectual Goals: 

1. Write 3 full letters a month to friends or family. (this does not include little notes)

2. Read one classic a month. I'm starting with Pride and Prejudice for March.

Physical Goals:

1. 20 minutes a day of working out for five days a week.

Social Goals:

1. Host a friend in my own home at least once a week.


I'm super excited to get started on these. If anyone wants to join me on any of them or be one of the people that I write a letter to just let me know or send me your address!

XOXO,
Abjo

The Paradox of Reconstruction

Hey World,

Yep, I'm still here.

 This past week I got super sick...the throwing-up-life-hurts-can-I-go-curl-up kind of sick. Hot tea, apple sauce, blankets, and movies were my essentials and only friends. In between the movies I did a whole lot of thinking. Some of it was the thinking of a fever-raging brain-but it was still thinking. I realized that I had been living my whole life the past few weeks as if I were sick...I had been getting by doing as little as possible. I hadn't been acting like everyday was truly a gift from above-something to be used and to be lived. I did what absolutely needed to be done then just transitioned to what I wanted to do. Something in there was missing...maybe it's just me, but in my opinion there's a difference between just doing and actually living. The same thing as the essence that bridges the gap between surviving and thriving.  I discovered that for the past few weeks it was like I had been lying on my couch watching a movie of myself doing fun things, interacting with people, and doing school. As if I'd been watching myself do it but hadn't been in real life living it.  parts were being skipped over, I kept sneaking tasks under my rug and stuffing monsters in my closet. Looking back on those weeks I realized that I looked like a person standing next to a full-blast siren and sticking their pinkie fingers in their ears. I should have been hearing all the wake up calls of, "You're leaving important things out, get off your couch" but I was just sitting there shushing them.

All these types of thoughts and scenarios ran through my red-hot feverish head for about 30 hours. When I finally got well it was like a flip had switched. Not only was I not sick...I was living! Maybe it was this gorgeous spring air I started breathing, maybe it was the fact I had puked all the brain-numbing sugar and carbs out of my body, maybe it was a plain old mental wake up. But I knew I had to do something not because I just wanted or needed to, but because it would improve my quality of life and I had to be in control of something.

**Quick Clarification: Surrendering my life to Christ and sitting back and letting Him work while having absolutely no control is a beautiful and absolutely necessary thing. Sitting back, being lazy, watching negative things/habits take hold in my life and not lifting a finger to stop and take back some ground? A harmful and demeaning thing to my life.***

Anyway, I got up and gutted my room/life and did a total re-organization-cleaning rampage. Let me just tell ya...it. felt. good. Now it's time for the hard part though- living out the part that I've set-up for myself. Keeping scheduled. Not being lazy. Yes, loving moments and being care-free, but first accomplishing tasks, helping out around my house, doing the schoolwork that I will be required to have done for that diploma I'll be snatching in June! Basically, I need to get busy on all those little pieces of life that I like to sweep under the rug and ignore while I binge and drink coffee with people I love. Because to speak truth, when I know I have pieces of my life under that rug I really can't give people my attention fully, or love them well because I am so distracted by the nagging feeling of incompleteness.

I don't understand why it is, but this blog seems to require absolute honesty from me. Good thing, too, because it's one of the few things in this world which I'm completely honest with. I cannot bring myself to be light-hearted or talk about little things here until I've first spilled my gut issues out onto the table.

Another epiphany that came upon me while I was sick? One of those things I had been sweeping under the rug was that I need to get a job. It's been bugging me almost every waking hour of these past weeks. Thinking about money constantly hinders my trust in the Lord and my joy in the every day. I finally just had to let it go. I'm not even going to try for a job anymore. After discussions with both parents and many prayers I am confident that I need to focus on school and trust the Lord that money will fall into place because He is faithful to provide for the things He has called me to do ( I will be announcing just what those things seems to be very soon for those of you who don't already know). The Lord just took that burden right off of my back and I am so thankful. So very thankful.

It would seem that Somehow I saw the light in both control and surrender through this little spurt of sickness.

Another thing that's happening with this whole life-reconstruction is that I'm starting a Friday fast. Mostly physical purposes but also to take a step back from food and have a constant reminder of how ultimately unnecessary it is compared to the bread of life.


Abjo

I'm a Senior?

What, how did this happen? It seems like just last week that I was building blanket forts all over my house...oh wait, it was. I'm definitely still a kid at heart, people.

BUT the fact remains that I am halfway through my last year of high school. I'm looking down a dark tunnel of big unknowns and adventures. Honestly, I can't wait! God has been teaching me for all of fall 2014 that I can-actually that I should- be excited to move on with my life. "As long as you are walking in step with My Spirit, you should have no fear!" is His gentle reminder to me constantly. It took me a long time to get on board with the lesson, but now that I am beginning to listen, my attitude and perspective are being transformed! The fact that when I am walking in step with the Spirit I could go to the cheapest college, work at McDonalds, or be the President of the U.S. and live a fulfilled life that would bring glory to the Lord in any of those areas is absolutely-mind-bogglingly-exciting!

Senior year is flying by and I'm trying to use it wisely, so in-between the college/scholarship applications, and SATs/ACTs I like to come up for air, have some fun, and savor those moments of living. 

This was an all-friends-no-adults-far-away trip. It involved fishing in the rain, practicallly catching a cabin on fire, not being able to cook the loads of food we brought, crab catching, having inmates as neighbors, and  all sorts of other wonderful unforgettableness!

Sister time is an obvious must! Throw in a close friend and it's even better.

Sister time becomes even more precious when one of them becomes engaged! But then brother time becomes pretty awesome too because it's a totally new experience for me!

These two continue to make me smile, take me out to dinner, and let me tease them about growing old all the while flooding crazy amounts of truth into my life.

 Spending a lot of time in hammocks with my favorite people is so essential. A few of us even got brave and slept in them all night once.

Representing our Spiderman shirts at the Zoo :) Yep, I promise we were seventeen and eighteen at the time. In case you were wondering, she's also the one I built the blanket fort with...

Also, thanks to my first-ever 8am classes, I experienced the sunrises of fall 2014 like I had never experienced sunrises before.

Small Town County Fair was definitely time well spent, all the way down to the stereotypical criminal picture. Not to mention the classic, thrilling, sometimes-stomach-turning rides, and red-dirt-covered funnel cakes!

One Saturday I got all crafty and made myself this fabric covered headboard and matching pillow!

Doing homework in hammocks and walking across this pretty campus every day both happened.

Free puppy snuggles and free cotton candy!

I spontaneously chopped 8 inches of my hair off!

 Salvation Army bell ringing for the first time ever! It definitely involved, carol singing, happy feet dancing, and a LOT of smiling, Pretty much one of my new favorite things!

Basketball games with these crazies.

Life with Jesus talks with all of these beautiful people.

Of course I couldn't make it a full four months without a visit to this home. The fact the engaged sister lives here didn't hurt any either.

 

Lights of Tejas didn't disappoint. In fact it exceeded all my expectations with it's people, life talks, fireworks, all around colorfulness, bounce houses, fire-side chats, sister time, and adventures.

First time ever mudding was an absolute success. All you need is a muddy road, cool people, and a vehicle- instant awesome. 

First semester of senior year was a time of many firsts, among which was my first public school cafeteria meal (and hopefully last. That stuff is gross), first Rend Collective concert (there's another brewing soon!), first college class, first final exam, first big-kid trip,  getting my drivers license and first car (It's pretty great even if it is older than me!), first set of keys, first game of seven wonders (I'm now totally obsessed), first time watching Pocahontas (now one of my favorite disneys),  first time knee boarding, first time holding a pig, first bumper car ride...the list goes on! 

This post could only display some of the joys these past months have contained, but now that I plan to blog regularly I'll be able to include so many more life details without the over-whelming post sizes! Also, this semester has definitely had other experiences that weren't so cheerful, those type of things will come up in later posts.

Well, here's to the Spring, to 2015, and to the unknown future where the only certain thing is that I will continue relating it's details-as they pertain to my life- right here. *CHEERS*

~Ab

All about fear

Lately I've realized just how much fear we all hold inside of us. We may not even call it that, other names include caution, stress, concern, anxiety, nervousness, and insecurity. But let's lump it all together and call it for what it really is-fear.

It's something which the Devil loves to brew up inside of us. Fear stops us from attaining our hearts desires and pursuing relationships that could change our lives. God spoke to His people about courage and told them not to fear countless times.

Often Christians use the Bible saying not to fear as a crutch, or as encouragement for one another. Granted, there are times to use it in that way. But also remember that God has never promised us that we won't suffer, or be embarrassed, or in pain or any of the situations we are typically afraid of. Just because God says Do Not Fear, doesn't mean we won't have REASON to fear. It means that in those times of trouble we can lean on Him, and we don't fear anything because as Paul says "To die is gain". With that perspective why would we ever be afraid to speak out, push ourselves, or pursue things we may fail at?

Fear entered the world early on, in fact, at the same time as sin did. No sooner had Adam and Eve eaten the fruit in the garden then they heard the Lord, and they were afraid. I believe it is safe to assume they had probably never felt fear before that moment. It caused them to hide from the Lord, to want to be separated from Him. How is that possible? How could they want to be separated from the One who gave them form and breath and all the beauty surrounding them? Because of fear. It is a powerful force.

I see it running rampant in this generation of America. I see it in a couples' eyes when they go in for an abortion because they are afraid of the responsibility which bringing forth life into this world involves. I also see fear in my heart and I believe it makes the Lord sad. How often He has told us- warned us not to fear, it must break His heart to see it continuing to thrive among His people. Where has boldness like the apostle Paul's gone? Where has courage like Queen Esther's disappeared to? It's been engulfed by a wave of small perspective and big fears which comes along with the shallow, self-focused lives that so much of our modern world has become accustomed to.

For me, at this time in my life, I'm terrified of the future. I'm afraid that my life will be lifeless, that my existence will serve no purpose. Those are fears, and they are motivated by my lack of faith. Because if I believe with all my heart that God created all, and has a plan for all, if I believe that He gave His son into the world for me so that He might adopt me into His family, if I believe that He puts the same power that RAISED Jesus from the dead inside of me when I walk  in step with the Spirit, IF I believe all of that and have complete faith in Him then how could I fear that He wouldn't make the absolute best use out of this sometimes-broken-into-pieces, short-lasting, not-always-pretty-little life that He gave to me?

If we, who call ourselves Christians, believe the Lord to be all He says He is, and that He will accomplish all He says He will then why aren't we jumping into our everyday lives with 10,0000 times more zeal and courage? I think that a lot of the reason is fear springing from a lack of faith. If we get out of ourselves and out of that self-centered fear by placing our full and absolute faith in Christ, then we can be bold for our God.  Even if our next step is unknown we can make sure that our hearts toward God are honestly willing for anything which He chooses to place in our path. That kind of faith, my friends, requires a deep love for God-the type of  love which casts out fear.

~Ab



***This post was mostly for myself honestly. God is currently shining a light on the fact that fear is a big part of my life and it has unearthed a lot of thoughts which I sort of wrote down here for clarity. Also I am aware that the run-on sentences are ridiculous and rampant in this post but sorry, I'm not sorry. :P